SnowFlake 12-28-2012

Ooh, Ah
who's there, oh

you gave the sun , another chance
while i juggle you dance
as the rain cries all day

i got a fool's eyes
everytime you smile
it's crazy when you see
and a few months
as i am lost every where

oh yeah
i called but you ran , my snowflake
yeah
i love you but you're gone my snowflake
yeah
i'd go but you left me

Ooh, Ah
who's there, oh

i thought we could change and maybe even tame
exotic lover you were
when you take me
i forget

i gave you love
i'll give you more

let's hideaway in the frosts as its due

oh yeah
i called but you ran , my snowflake
yeah
i love you but you're gone my snowflake
yeah
i'd go but you left me

you're free, you're free
you're in the snowy mist
 
oh yeah
i called but you ran , my snowflake
yeah
i love you but you're gone my snowflake
yeah
i'd go but you left me

I pushed you away  , baby
but you begged for it
i wish we could stay, baby
here in our love snowflake

(December 26-28, 2012)

I Should have known (2012)

I should have known that it would end this way
I should have known there was no other way
Didn't hear your warning
Damn my heart gone deaf

I should have known
Look at the shape you're in
I should have known
But I dove right in
One thing is for certain
As I'm standing here
I should have known

Lay your hands in mine
Heal me one last time
Though I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt

I should have known
I was inside of you
I should have known
There was that side of you
Came without a warning
Caught me unaware

I should have known
I've been here before
I should have known
Don't want it anymore
One thing is for certain
I'm still standing here
I should have known

Lay your hands in mine
Heal me one last time
Though I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt

No I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt
I should have known

Maybe you was right
Didn't want a fight
I should have known
Couldn't read the signs
Couldn't see the lie
I should have known

Though I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt
No I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt
No I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
To leave us all in debt

I should have known.

Love never fades

Away from you,
away from here...
away from you.

Stay for me,
stay for me...
stay for me.

Baby, I'm really sorry
to break your dream
when it's so early
Headlights
on the window pane
they're getting lost
in the light of day

tomorrow is today
and soon my ship will sail

Away from here
to walk a howling sealane
Stay for me
your love is life
for love never fades

Baby, just hear my story before I leave
before we write the end
Standing, across the ocean stream
I'll need to know
I'll need your country then

tomorrow and today
you keep my landfall safe

away from here (away from here)
to walk a howling sealane (away from you)
stay for me (stay for me, stay for me)
I need your love to feel alive
away from here (away from here)
to walk a howling sealane
stay for me (stay for me, stay for me)
your love is life, for love never fades

away from here (away from here)
to walk a howling sealane (away from you)
stay for me (stay for me)
I need your love to keep alive (stay for me)
away from here (away from here)
to walk a howling sealane (away from you)
stay for me (stay for me, stay for me)
your love is life, for love never fades

love never fades

TV MANIA LIFE

Selling exes down the river
every meal ticket's got her price
yeah those details make you shiver
but it's hard to escape when your head is stuck in vice
because nothing matters in the self obsessive age
where they dare you not to notice
but it's everywhere in shocking colour on the page

In the magazine
staring out at me
out of my TV
other people's lives
pixelated lives
just like yours and mine

Every weekend i always witness
to the social suicides
to the thief who stays for breakfast
to the poster child screwing everybody's wife

So Yeah it's just a story
but it keeps me hanging on
for the needy soul,
the glory hole confessional
We got to see what's going down

In the magazine
staring out at me

2013 - Bullies - Will the cycle end?

Despite the numerous joys and venturous years I've had since I left NJ, I was left thinking: how did the rest of friends I left behind during that battle against bullies handled it?

I am slowly writing my novel "King Of Nowhere" which is an antithesis of the social consensus pride of wanting to be #1 in whatever they want to be no matter what. As a kid I recall never wanting to step on anyone's path or lifestyle. But as the years went on I became disgusted and angered at the injustice of athletic kids picking on those who were not able to defend themselves. Ultimately, defending people who were not well ready for combat had me labeled as an "Anti Hero".

You're probably reading in awe and confusion. Why an anti-hero? Having studied in a catholic school I never wanted to be part of, the moral standards (according to me) were very immoral and chaotic. For example, it was becoming apparent that uncouth boys from a jet-set group were getting all the cute girls whilst showing their macho-ness at the cafeteria by burping and exposing flatulence among their peers and yet it was deemed as "aww so cute" remarks. Mockery on students who were not physically prepared  had to put up with the beating and verbal humiliation....This was a private high school in NJ and the parents were paying for it!  Having said all this, such attributions were regarded as positive things these disrespectful individuals contributed to the school whilst keeping a straight face when they had to go outside the school and recruit for its "high standards and moral". So, once I have highlighted these factors, I can rightfully say that I was the fucked up one for being polite, respectful and supporting (homework assignments). I suppose my biggest crime was leaving the Jock team when I stood against the abuse of a girl and it was then that my moral and sympathy towards a victim became obvious that I was no citizen/student of this sodom and gomorrah of WNY.

I find myself drinking a glass of champagne in a nice part of the world. How can the gene pool of bullies end? If I had demonstrated my whole fury on them, the victims of those tormentors would have been spared... I suppose I have guilt for not being around and acted selfish by walking away once I graduated...But I always felt that it was not my war, and yet after all these years I felt that despite my attempts of distancing from confrontations; I was part of it and I had to do something about it. What schools now need to do is to create surveillance cameras and track down these school tormentor and place them with their own kindred. Am I sentencing high school bullies to an academic jail with their own kind? yes, at least the quietly educated student can concentrate more on their studies than survival... Were primary school and high school meant to be a social Jungle or dangers as well? That would truly be hypocritical when the Board of Education claims full responsibility on their students. Identifying the bullies in a qualitative manner would surely crack down the social corruption of torment. Any school really deserves to be a place for learning.

I'm in my late 20's and achieved a lot in a decade where I was presumed death by rivals whose expertise was to deprive quiet kids to their suicide by harsh words and attacks.

I do know for a fact that if I ever see any of those tormentors I confronted, it will be their victory to them because they might have evolved into something more hideous, cunning, corrupt, perverse, and violent. It is sad that such people chose to be violent, but I may understand that competition, aggressiveness may have been part of their upbringing by poorly demoralized parenting... And despite my limits, I remain strong.

After having said all this, I do not believe there has been anyone bad in my part of the world...just some misguided people wanting to do silly things as reconciliation. Despite my respect and remaining affection I have towards them, I have learned that their intentions were poorly approached and things ought to be closed with respect. The real enemies I confronted were in another world that is currently crumbling down.

"These Are The Days Of Our Lives" (Queen)

Sometimes I get to feelin'
I was back in the old days - long ago
When we were kids, when we were young
Things seemed so perfect - you know?
The days were endless, we were crazy - we were young
The sun was always shinin' - we just lived for fun
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know
The rest of my life's been - just a show.

Those were the days of our lives
The bad things in life were so few

Those days are all gone now but one thing is true -
When I look and I find I still love you.
You can't turn back the clock, you can't turn back the tide
Ain't that a shame?
I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
No use sitting and thinkin' on what you did
When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids
Sometimes it seems like lately I just don't know
Better sit back and go - with the flow

Cos these are the days of our lives
They've flown in the swiftness of time
These days are all gone now but some things remain
When I look and I find - no change

Those were the days of our lives yeah
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing's still true
When I look and I find, I still love you,

I still love you.

Preparing for 2013

I am very sure some of you heard me say "band reunions..it's like sleeping with your ex!" which I meant back then that there was no way in this life that I'd work with them.

Lately as of last month I began exchanging words with some of the members, a good friend known for being "the quiet one, the thoughtful one". He pursued a calm life with his fiance of 8 years and persuaded me to work again with the band. What does that mean? I guess the return to New York will be inevitable. The question is when..

On a personal level, things are going great with a need to return to the gym and music soon. But when it comes to writing music and lyrics I always prefer to work alone for a few days to clear my mind and randomly write stuff that would eventually come out as a song.

I guess during my christmas break I will be doing that to new years. I received some basic drum and guitar jams and I will try to put lyrics into that and when I meet the rest of the band in NY , we can finalize something by the time I return to Europe.. It won't be much of a vacation (at least for me) but it's something I've been wanting to do for years and get this off our chests (band) and sending it to everywhere. After listening to the demos , it's very pop rock experimental but the new stuff is almost like Nickleback's stuff....Hmmmm. Also I will be singing in the album. there's 3 songs that are in the works "Julie Are You There", "Nobody", and "24 Hours Later".  

It's a relief that I'm far away from everyone and just write what I feel without any limit and attempt to fix my vocal range once more.

I might be working in new years with a Czech artist on a pop song tentatively titled "Midnight City"I heard the demo on Skype and it feels like Muse with Tenderoni. 2 of my new fav bands. I might be doing 2nd vocals.

Also , I've been invited to Helsinki and Stockholm for new year's but declined, I feel like working til the new year. Yeah im a workaholic but I love my new home city.

Be Good To Yourselves